


The Usefulness of Fans

by Kereea



Series: ASL In Red [23]
Category: One Piece
Genre: ASL Brothers, Barto is a Fanboy, Barto is also a Shipper -- as promised!, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Humor, Let the shenanigans begin, M/M, Multi, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 06:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11777760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kereea/pseuds/Kereea
Summary: After meeting the Minks on Zou, the Straw Hats and Hearts find the Mink-Samurai-Pirate Alliance’s planning to take down Kaido interrupted by the Barto Club pirates, who are their biggest fans. But Bartolomeo might just have some information they need…if he can stop squeeing long enough to relate it!





	The Usefulness of Fans

 Shanks had been right, Luffy decided. Zou was freaking cool.

 There were Minks everywhere! Bepo had been nearly kidnapped to go see his relatives—some of whom were kind of peeved at him and his parents for “not writing” until they found out his parents were dead and then begged Bepo’s forgiveness and gave him cake from bringing it up—and everyone thought Chopper was the coolest thing ever, a normal animal who practically became a Mink by using a Devil Fruit. Chopper had done his happy dance at being the point of interest before camping out on Jinbe’s head for the rest of the first day in embarrassment at the attention.

 Jinbe, being his usual cool self, pretended not to notice.

 Plus the Minks were super on board with saving Wano! It made things so much easier!

On the other hand the Minks had a weirdo schedule of one group being awake in the day and others at night and it was messing with everyone, but Duke Dogstorm and Boss Cat Viper had agreed the pirates and samurai could keep their own schedule which was good because so many of them had their own weird sleep schedules to keep to and Luffy had no clue what messing with them would do (could Law even sleep for twelve hours? Could Ace go twelve hours without a narcolepsy moment, reliably? And what about poor Zoro and his naps?).

 Momo had been given the option to ask the Minks to adjust the schedule, but he said they should probably keep it as-is until it was time to set sail, since Boss Cat Viper explained how it played a role in defending the kingdom somehow.

 Ace spent a lot of time with Momo once they got to Zou. Poor kid was a tiny bit overwhelmed by the Minks treating him as the leader of the Wano faction and Ace was good at making him laugh and snap him out of it. Mostly by setting other peoples’ clothes on fire.

 Duke Dogstorm had already declared Ace a public menace. Boss Cat Viper had been planning on doing that, but then declared him a great source of fun when he saw Dogstorm had done the opposite. Ace took this as a cue to play the feud for laughs for Momonosuke and only some very stern words from Nami and Vivi kept him from going “too far” with it or whatever they thought he’d do.

 Luffy didn’t know what ‘too far’ would _be_ , but apparently Ace thought it would be bad enough to piss off Nami. Go figure.

 Law spent most of his time at the hospital, either looking for upgrades to his sub or suggesting upgrades to the Minks, depending on what he was looking at. Luffy thought it was pretty boring but it was the kind of boring that Law seemed to find relaxing or whatever so Luffy left him to it. It was nice to see Law relax. Well, relax as much as Law _ever_ relaxed while still awake. Which didn’t really get all _that_ relaxed by Luffy’s book but they’d agreed to disagree since Ds arguing over relaxation didn’t relax _anybody_.

 Zoro found guys to swordfight with, Franky and Jean Bart found people to be manly with, Perona found people to be girly with, Robin got to look at a Ponegylph, all in all it all worked out pretty well. Plus it was tons of fun hearing about Shanks and Buggy as kids from Dogstorm and Cat Viper from their days with Oden and the Roger Pirates.

 “And then Shanks’ foot caught a hole in the wood and he tripped clean off the mast!” Cat Viper laughed. “Managed to catch himself on a rope but the drop was a bit much for him to take at that age! Well, Buggy was still in the crow’s nest and he just started, _goronyaya_ , just started caterwauling up a storm in an utter panic. Buggy panicked a _lot_ in those days. Shanks was a little too dim to panic, never occurred to the boy he was in danger!”

 “That’s where you get it,” Koala said, pointing accusingly at Sabo and Luffy as she clutched her tea to her chest in indignation with her other hand. “That’s where!”

 “I am not as bad as Dad or Luffy!” Sabo said, indignantly adjusting his hat. “I have _something_ of a survival instinct!”

 “Yeah, well, your survival instinct is more narcoleptic than Ace,” Nami muttered under her breath. Vivi giggled softly and nodded in agreement.

 “Hey!” Sabo whined. Koala patted him on the shoulder, smirking around the edge of her teacup.

 “Ah, but your father was always the sweetest thing, too. Very thankful when I got him down from that mast,” Cat Viper chuckled. “Oh, when I heard Shanks had taken in a litter…should have known you’d be shaking the Grand Line, you little brats.”

 Luffy honestly liked Cat Viper’s parties better than Dogstorm’s. Cats were carnivores, which meant they _only_ liked meat and Cat Viper’s cooks made some great dishes! Dogstorm ate meat and veggies, which meant less meat overall and less meat was always worse! “Yeah, well, I’m going to be King of the Pirates! That takes some shake-ups!”

 “You can say that again, _goronyaya_!” Cat Viper laughed.

 Law chuckled as he sipped some tea with extra leaves mixed in that supposedly would make it easier for him to sleep. Luffy hoped so. Traffy needed to sleep more. Luffy knew the Minks’ medical stuff was cool and all but Traffy still needed to sleep more, so there.

 Eventually everyone keeping to a normal schedule headed off for bed. Sanji was going to stay up to observe dinner service at one of the restaurants, since to open up a place in All Blue he’d need to learn the business end of the trade too and said some of the owners were willing to show him some stuff. Zoro also wanted to stay up, since Pedro the swords-cat was going on a nighttime patrol and had some ideas for sword tactics Zoro wanted. And Ace was probably going to have to be up until Momonosuke finally got off that sugar rush, unless the narcolepsy got to him. Then it was all on Kin’emon. Kanjuro was already out.  

 Luffy bounded along, dragging Law to the neat tree-hotel the crews were staying in. Law rolled his eyes but let him get away with it; probably since Luffy was still excited to have heard more about Shanks from when Shanks was young. It was a little harder to share a hammock than it was to share a bed but Luffy was rubber and squishy so it worked out in the end.

.o.o.o.

 A loud horn blast early in the morning woke everyone up. Law jolted sharply and went to sit up too quickly, which tipped the hammock. Luffy hit the floor first and then Law landed on him, bouncing off his rubber boyfriend to smack down on the bare floor himself.

 “…This better be good,” Law muttered once he finally had his bearings.

 “You okay?” Luffy asked as he dug last night’s clothes out of a pile and started to pull them on.

 “Yeah, yeah,” Law muttered. “Just annoyed. And short on caffeine.”

 “There’s a strange ship!” Bepo said as he burst in the room. “Uh, sorry!”

 Law rolled his eyes as Bepo backed out at seeing Luffy half-dressed and Law in his underwear. Law pulled his pants on and then called, “Bepo, we’re good!”

 Bepo peeked back in, “Sorry, Captain! But, um, there’s a strange ship. Also, here.”

 Law smiled as Bepo held out a thermos, “This is why you’re first mate.”

“Coffee?” Luffy asked. Bepo nodded. Luffy grinned, “Good job!”

 The crew staggered outside. The sun was only just coming up and it wasn’t quite six in the morning yet. Dogstorm didn’t seem too tired, probably since he’d only missed out on maybe fifteen minutes or so of sleep, but Cat Viper looked a bit peeved at not getting to go to bed yet. Sanji and Zoro, on the other hand, looked like they needed a few more hours. Luffy decided he’d push them back to bed if it wasn’t an emergency.

 “So, strange ship?” Sabo asked, smothering a yawn.

 “Franky, Usopp, and Shachi called up about it, and then the Watch used the horns,” Jean Bart said.

 Luffy nodded. Shachi, Usopp and Franky had spent a lot of their time on the ships, fixing what needed fixing and showing off to the more tech-liking Minks who’d declared the trio to be geniuses of building. They’d held some big tech party for like two days now. “So we should go look, right?”

 “Right,” Wanda said. Wanda was a cool dog lady. Luffy was a little iffy with her since she kept trying to chew on him and Brook, but she was really nice besides that. Nami and Vivi got on great with her. “I’ve already gathered the riding gators for our journey.”

 Luffy would rather have catapulted through the trees, but Sabo, Ace, and Law all gave him looks that told him he’d better get on the gator.

 Oh well. He could catapult back. And he was still a little sleepy to aim right anyway. So he guessed riding was a good idea.

 They eventually reached the edge of the elephant. There was a kind of boring discussion about how they’d look before Luffy pointed out that obviously the best thing to so was, “Have Jean Bart throw me off the edge and I bungee jump back, duh!”

 “…That’s actually a good idea,” Law said. Luffy nodded. Law’s idea had just been to Shambles someone over the side and hopefully warp them back before they fell out of the Room. Luffy actually kind of thought that was more reckless than his idea, which was weird for Law when Law wasn’t fighting people.

 Maybe Law hasn’t had enough coffee yet today.

 “Here we go!” Jean Bart said, before picking Luffy up and hurling him over the side of Zunisha.

 Luffy threw an arm out to grab a giant arm Robin grew out of the ground for him as he rocketed over the edge.

 Huh, looked like the other ship was getting close to the _Sunny_ and _Scalpel_. But it had a white flag up so he guessed they were friendly and—hey! Their figurehead looked just like Luffy! Cool!

 His arm finally reached its limit and snapped him high into the air above the elephant, “Incoming!”

 Sabo managed to shoot his hand out and catch the back of Luffy’s vest before he slammed down onto Zunisha’s back.

 “Hey!” Luffy whined as he dangled in his brother’s grip. He folded his arms and sulked.

 “Just didn’t want you hitting Zunisha too hard, Lu,” Sabo said, setting him down.

 “Fine,” Luffy sighed. “The ship’s really close but it’s got a white flag up and guess what?”

 “What?” several of his crew and the minks asked.

 “Their figurehead looks like me!” Luffy announced.

 Law’s face scrunched up a bit, “That’s…creepy.”

 “It looked cool,” Luffy said.

 “Luffy-ya, you have no idea who these people are and they’re using your likeness as a figurehead,” Law said.

 “I’m with the surgeon, _creepy_ ,” Sabo said.

 “Well, guess some of us should climb down and say hello,” Luffy said.

 Law gave him a look. Luffy sighed, “Or Traffy can just use Shambles and be all boring and stuff…”

 “Thank you,” Law said, giving Luffy a small smile. “Room. Shambles.”

 They appeared on the _Sunny’s_ deck. Up close Luffy could see the figurehead of him looked a little on the goofy side but he was still very flattered anyway.

 “Holy crap, Lu was right!” Ace said.  

 “What, did you think I was lying?” Luffy demanded, spinning to glare at Ace.

 “Nah just…not right,” Ace said.

 “Are you saying your captain was wrong?” Luffy baited.

 “I’m saying my little brother’s a doofus at art identification,” Ace said.

 “ _I know art_!” Luffy protested.

 “I’ve seen you draw,” Law muttered, rolling his eyes as he pulled out the thermos and took a long drink of coffee.

 “ _Hey_!” Luffy whined. Okay that was just not fair, Law and Ace never agreed on anything!

 “So yeah, Law’s actually right about something though, that thing looks _creepy_ ,” Ace added. Law, still sipping even more coffee, shrugged.

 Was this just a weird day or something? Urgh, his brothers _and_ his boyfriend thought it was creepy! No fair!

 “Come on, smart guy, you don’t know who these people are?” Ace added, prodding Law.

 Law sighed, “I know a lot of things but ship designs aren’t one of them. They tend to change anyway. What’s their jolly roger look like?”

“A red screaming skull with green hair and a red X under it,” Usopp said. “It looked creepy until they put the white flag up! I—uh, Franky and Shachi were really scared!”

 “…Low blow, bro,” Franky muttered. He sighed and smacked Shachi’s hands away as the insulted mechanic went for his harpoon gun. “Anyway, should probably think about the name Barto Club, Law. Says that on that neon sail of theirs.”

 “Barto Club?” Law muttered. “I think they’re from East Blue.”

 “No way! Awesome!” Luffy said. “It’ll be cool to talk to someone else from there!”

 “That’s right,” Robin said to Law. “They were in one of the papers recently…I think their captain was said to be a cannibal.”

 “Ack, not awesome,” Sabo said, making a disgusted face.

 “Yeah, okay, that’s pretty creepy,” Luffy said.

 “But then why does their figurehead look like Luffy?” Ace asked.

 “We’ll have to ask them,” Robin said simply.

 “Okay but, like, I’m not so sure going to chat with cannibals is a good idea,” Usopp cautioned.

 “Robin said only the _captain_ is a cannibal, Usopp,” Luffy corrected. “And she says she only _thinks_ that!”

 Law groaned and put a hand to his head, “Damn it, Lu-”

 “AHOY!”

 “Who’s the green haired weirdo?” Sabo muttered. “That the captain?”

 “Look at who our captain is,” Usopp muttered back. Luffy turned around and stuck his tongue out at Usopp. Usopp stuck his tongue out back.

 “Here we go,” Robin said pleasantly as a chain of arms came out from below deck and handed her a newspaper. “Bartoleomo ‘the Cannibal’…ah, it’s a pun from his native island. It means putting up with him feels like being eaten alive, not actual cannibalism! An easy mistake.”

 “That’s fascinating terminology,” Law said, leaning over her shoulder to read the paper. “Hm. Super Rookie level bounty all right…”

 “Hi Bartolomeo!” Luffy called pleasantly.

 To their shock the green haired man shrieked “Luffy-senpai knows my name!” before falling clean off the ship and into the sea.

 “Captain!” several of Bartolomeo’s crew yelled, two diving in after him.

 Sabo slowly looked between the trio in the water and Luffy, “Oh no.”

 “Oh no what?” Ace asked.

 “I think he’s a fan of Luffy,” Sabo said.

 “What’s wrong with Luffy having a fan?” Ace asked. “Lots of pirates have fans.”

 “We you not listening to Law and Robin?” Sabo asked.

 “I mean, not listening to Law is kind of a policy of mine,” Ace said, shrugging as Bartolomeo and his crewmates finally got back onto their ship and within safe talking distance.

 “We are the Barto Club Pirates!” the green haired, dripping wet man now known as Bartolomeo said proudly once they were done coughing and spitting up water. “I am the captain, Bartolomeo!”

 “We know, you’re in the paper!” Luffy said. “What are you a club for?”

 “For emulating the greatest pirate crew of modern history!” Bartolomeo said. “Yours!”

  “… _Oh_ ,” the collected Straw Hats, Hearts, and Minks said slowly, nodding amongst themselves. Luffy had to admit, that made it make a bit more sense.

 “Um, how many members do you have, anyway?” Usopp asked, peering over at Bartolomeo’s ship.

 “Fifty-three,” Bartolomeo said.

 “…How does a crew of our fans have more people than our crew?” Law asked.

 “Well, I guess we’re just very selective,” Luffy said, shrugging.

 “Good point,” Law said. “So, what do you all want, anyway?”

 “To meet our idols!” Bartolomeo and his crew declared happily.

 “Well, hi!” Luffy said brightly. He heard Ace snicker behind him for some reason. Stupid Ace. “Well, we’d have to check with the Minks and stuff, but do you want to party?”

 “LUFFY!” several of his screw scolded as the Barto Club cheered.

.o.o.o.

 Ace had his hands full helping Kin’emon keep track of Momonosuke during the party since while he and the samurai guard didn’t see eye to eye on most things, ‘don’t let Momonosuke get drunk or trampled’ was something they could come to a consensus on pretty fast.

 “Next time we find him I’m just sticking him on your shoulders,” Ace huffed as they weaved through the crowd.

 “You say that as if Prince Momonosuke will stay there,” Kin’emon noted dryly.

 “Urgh, yeah, I know, I know—Momo! Hold it!” Ace said, pushing past a couple Minks and fawning Barto Club Pirates to grab the kid. “Found you!”

 “Hey, Ace, check it out!” Momonosuke said, waving some paper sin his face. “This Barto lady collects wanted posters! You look really cool on them!”

 Ace blinked and passed Momonosuke to Kin’emon so he could look at the posters. “Heh. Yeah. I remember these.”

 “Story, story!” Momonosuke said. “Right, Lilith?”

 “Yeah!” the teenager Momonsouke had been talking to said, nodding enthusiastically. “I would love to hear about it!”

 “Okay, so…okay, this is the first one, from the Goa Kingdom, we were running away after painting all over Sabo’s awful not-family’s house,” Ace said.

 Man, he looked way younger in that one. It was getting close to two years ago, and their names weren’t even on it. Just him, Luffy, Sabo, and Usopp from behind, running away and laughing before they got on the Merry to head for the place where they met Buggy and Nami. All it said was “Straw Hat Pirates: $100,000 Reward.”

 “You weren’t worth much then,” Kin’emon said. “Of course, your…particular heritage was not known.”

 “Yeah, that,” Ace said. “Oh, and this is after Arlong Park! Wow, you got everyone’s!”

 The whole crew other than Zoro had wanted posters by then, since the government still thought Zoro worked for Mihawk and was thus under the Warlord agreement. Idiots. Took them way too long to figure that one out.

 “Hey, you have a higher bounty than Luffy even though he’s the captain!” Momonosuke said.

 “It was obvious I was a logia. East Blue didn’t really have those so it made me super-dangerous,” Ace said. “You’ll see, after the Alabasta posters I end up a bit behind Lu again…”

 Wow. She had all the Alabasta posters too. But if this crew had only formed after Marinford…jeez, how obsessive were these fans?

 “That’s a…very thorough collection,” Kin’emon said. “…Wait, Portgas, why does this say your captain declared war on the government?”

 “Oh, long story,” Ace said.

 “ _Story time_!” Momonosuke reminded him insistently.

 “Okay, okay,” Ace said. “So, there were these super asshole assassins called the Cipher Pol…”

.o.o.o.

 Luffy sighed. He’d lost track of Law early into the party and now he couldn’t find Law anywhere! It was almost six pm, too, and then they’d switch over to Cat Viper and all sorts of nighttime fun; so where was Law?

 Luffy stuffed his hands in his pockets. He guessed Law probably went somewhere quiet and boring or something. But where was going to be quiet and boring when the whole city was having a party? It wasn’t like there were places where people could make you be quiet and not make noise or anything…

 Or were there…?

 That was right! You couldn’t go running around making lots of noise in hospitals! Then the doctors got mad at you and kicked you with the hooves or poked you with their antlers or cut your arms clean off! Law probably went to hide out in the hospital for a bit!

 Luffy bounded through the streets and sure enough, it got quieter close to the hospital. That was just smart management. Or maybe they had a scary doctor in charge, like Traffy-scary but a Mink. That would be cool.

 He frowned as he walked inside. How was he supposed to find Law anyway? Hmm. Probably somewhere with a lot of stuff to read, or a lot of stuff to drink, or both…and no bread. Obviously.

 “Ah, Captain Straw Hat,” the desk deer-lady said. “Nice to see you again. Captain Surgeon is just in the records room over there.”

 Front desk people were amazing. “Thanks!” Luffy said as he rushed in. “Hi Traffy!”

 Law looked up from a folder, “…Hello?”

 “Shishishi, hello’s not a question, silly,” Luffy said, sitting down on the desk. “Now come on, let’s go!”

 “…No,” Law said. “I’m looking into some news records they have on Kaido’s unkillable status.”

 “Traffy, you’re missing the party,” Luff huffed.

 “I’m _tired_ ,” Law said. “It’ll still be going when I’m not tired anymore anyway.”

 Luffy sighed loudly and Law’s soft smirk told him that Law had gotten the message. “ _Fine_. But you’d better when you’re not tired anymore!”

 “Of course, Luffy-ya,” Law said agreeably. “I know you’ll drag me if I don’t.”

 “Yeah, and there’s tons of good rolls and I’ll throw them at you!” Luffy warned.

 Law scowled, “I get it.”

 Luffy shook his head as he left the hospital. Some days he just did not get Law. He knew Law wanted to try and plan for Wano and all but there was only so much planning you could really do with someone like Kaido involved, right? Law always said Luffy wrecked plans anyway, right?

 Right. So Law had to figure it out eventually that there was only so much planning!

 …Unless Law wasn’t planning and there were just too many people and Law was relaxing form that. Oh, right. That could be it. That could be why Law was tired. Oops.

 Luffy turned around and raced back to the hospital. He threw the doors to the records room open and yelled, “Traffy, I’m not really going to throw bread at you!”

 Law stared at him blankly, “Uh…I…kind of guessed that…already…”

 Luffy realized everyone else in the hospital records room was glaring at him. And the desk deer lady. Oops again. “Shishishi, I’ll just be…bye Traffy!”

 Before he turned tail and ran he saw Law groan and drop his head to the desk.

.o.o.o.

 “I’m saying, it’s good to have a loyal group and all, but what are they really…worth?” Jinbe sighed.

 “I’m not sure,” Koala said. “They’ll tell you just about anything if you ask. Fans, after all. They’re hopeless in some ways and weirdly brilliant in a way that reminds me of Sabo and his brothers in others. Like, they don’t have a navigator, but one of them has a clairvoyant grandma and she’s the one who tells them where to go.”

 “Oh dear,” Jinbe said.

 “They’ve also got some useful skills,” Koala said. “There’s Bartolomeo’s barriers, those are the most interesting so far, but there’s some other interesting Paramecia in there, and a paint logia.”

 “…Paint…Logia?” Jinbe asked, looking a bit pained.

 “Yeah. Oil based, which gives the guy some security against water,” Sabo said. “On the other hand, means the paint dries slowly, so it’s lousy for graffiti.”

 “What do you know about graffiti?” Jinbe asked.

 “I have had some _great_ moments of graffiti in my life, thank you,” Sabo said, sipping his gin with a small smirk. “But yeah, it can be any color he wants and the oil has its own uses. Puts him at a huge disadvantage to guys like Ace or Akainu, though. Flammable.”

 “Ah,” Jinbe said. “Still, they’re probably the strongest crew out of East Blue in recent memory outside of your own. That’s something.”

 “They’re still rookies,” Koala said, folding her arms. “And the New World _eats_ rookies.”

 “We don’t know what they really want, either,” Sabo said. “They used their clairvoyant grandma to find us. But why?”

 “There are those who want to serve the strong,” Jinbe said. “Bellamy and his crew were like that once, weren’t they?”

 “There is that,” Koala said.

 “Then they’ll be disappointed,” Sabo said. “Luffy won’t take followers like that.”

 “But he might not be willing to just turn them loose either,” Jinbe said. “Luffy knows how dangerous the New World is, and might not want to leave new ‘friends’ without protection.”

 “They’ll worm their way in,” Law said, approaching the trio with a glass of whiskey. “They’ll find a place or Luffy will invent one even if it’s mostly off on their own. And when they get in trouble, we’ll be there to bail them out.”

 “When?” Sabo asked.

 “You know damn well it’s not an if,” Law spat.

 “You don’t like them,” Koala said.

 “I don’t like being around too many people in general,” Law said. “I don’t like the… _incessant_ attention, either.”

 Koala nodded and patted him on the shoulder. Law seemed almost grateful for that, underscoring just how uncomfortable he was right now.

 “And you can’t tell Luffy because you don’t want to be a grump,” Sabo said.

 “I won’t spoil it for him,” Law said. “But we know they came here for a reason, and I’m not sure just being fans is enough to explain it.”

 “Hmm. Never been a fan then, Law?” Sabo asked, smirking. “There’s a reason it’s a shortened version of fanatic, you know.”

 Law chuckled, “Fair, Sabo. Fair.”

 “Traffy!”

 Law smiled and looked up, slightly raising his glass at Luffy, “Told you I’d come eventually.”

 Luffy bounded over, “Come on, dance with me!”

 “I’m not quite drunk enough for that,” Law said.

 “Urgh, come _on_ ,” Luffy whined.

 “I’ll watch your drink,” Sabo offered. Law grimaced but passed it over. Sabo smirked at the small smile on Law’s face as Luffy tugged him over towards the other dancers.

 “Some days it’s hard to tell what Law wants and doesn’t want,” Jinbe said.

 “Law doesn’t know what Law wants and doesn’t want some days,” Koala scoffed. “Or he likes acting like he doesn’t feel like something because he’s stubborn and likes to remind people he’s independent. It’s who he is.”

 “So is he acting when he says he doesn’t like the Barto Club?” Sabo asked before laughing at his own question.

 “Yeah no, he doesn’t like them,” Koala said, grinning. “Poor surgeon. He’s overwhelmed.”

 “Poor surgeon indeed,” Jinbe chuckled as Luffy gleefully spun Law around and Law turned the tables by using his height advantage to suddenly halt the spin and drop Luffy in a fast dip. “I think he can keep up.”

.o.o.o.

 After getting Law to _finally_ dance with him, Luffy dragged Law over to talk with Bartolomeo. Or, well, talking at Bartolomeo, who sort of seemed to be having isues with the whole talking _back_ thing.

 “So you’re a fruit user, right?” Law asked Bartolomeo. “Given your crew diving in to save you.”

 “Oh, yes! I am a barrier man!” Bartolomeo declared, making a small barrier that Luffy thought looked like a thick sheet of glass. Luffy rapped his knuckes against it—nope, bouncier than glass, studier too.

 “Interesting,” Law said.

 “Yes! It is a very special Paramecia,” Bartolomeo admitted. “It helped my crew a lot as we went through the Grand Line, even in the New World!”

 “…Did it now,” Law said softly. Luffy realized Law was thinking and sighed, poking him.

 “Traffy, don’t just do all the thinking in your head. I’m not a mind reader,” he huffed.

 “Such a good couple,” Bartolomeo muttered. “Great communication!”

 Luffy ignored him, “So come on!”

 “I was thinking…maybe that could be useful on Wano,” Law said.

 Luffy shook his head, “No, no.” They’d just met these guys. They had no idea what they could do. Their crew couldn’t have handled Wano as Paradise Rookies and now Traffy thought Bartolomeo could? No.

  “I’m not saying he should do anything alone, Luffy-ya, I’m saying it could be a useful skill to have around,” Law said.

 “But he’s all,” Luffy said, waving his hand hoping Traffy got what he meant because it would be really weird to say out loud that Bartolomeo was kinda…really into doing what Luffy wanted and that seemed like it could go way too wrong since he didn’t do it like the crew did it where they’d call Luffy an idiot if he was being an idiot. Bartolomeo seemed like he’d think there was nothing wrong if Luffy was being an idiot and go along with it and that might not go so well.

 “…Didn’t you just remind me that no one here is a mind reader?” Law asked, frowning.

 Darn it. Didn’t get through. “I think he’ll do whatever we say and that’s not good for something like this,” Luffy said.

 “I don’t see too much of a problem with it,” Law said.

 “Well then that’s part of the problem!” Luffy said. "You're being awful cruel about this, you know!"

 “All right, you’re clearly going to need to spell this out more since you’ve got it all worked out and aren’t telling anyone else,” Law snapped.

 “I’m not you, I’m just saying,” Luffy said.

 Bartolomeo sighed happily, “Oh yeah. I ship it.”

 “…You what now?” Luffy asked, holding up a hand to stop Law’s argument. Law rolled his eyes but acquiesced, falling silent with a soft huff and folding his arms.

 “Ship it. That is, ship you two. Together. You’re such a great couple!” Bartolomeo said, tearing up.

 “Well okay, yeah, we’re awesome. Thanks,” Luffy said. “…But why do you want to ship us somewhere?”

 “No, no, ship as in relationship, Luffy-sempai!” Bartolomeo said.

 “You…relationship us?” Law asked, frowning. “Relationship isn’t a verb. Gah, Straw Hat, we should mail this one to your dad, they can get along over verb-ing non-verb words.”

 “…I don’t think verb is a verb either, Traffy,” Luffy said slowly.

 “You know what I mean!” Law said.

“No, I don’t!” Luffy insisted.

 “Yes, you do!” Law growled.

 “Tension!” Bartolomeo cheered.

 “…I’m just going to Shambles him off the elephant,” Law told Luffy, running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

 “No! Traffy, he can’t swim!” Luffy gasped, grabbing Law by the shirt and shaking him. “Remember? He has powers! So he _can’t swim_!”

 “That was the idea…” Law grumbled.

 Lauffy glared at him. Law raised an eyebrow, unrepentant. Luffy scowled and rolled his eyes. Law was being _such_ a dick today.

 “We. Are not. Letting Barty drown,” Luffy said slowly to make sure Law heard it through the assholery.

 “Fine,” Law said. “I still think his powers could be useful on Wano.”

 “I don’t use people,” Luffy said firmly. “If he wants to come then he can-”

 “I do!” Bartolomeo said happily.

 “-but we’re not making him do anything we wouldn’t make our crew do,” Luffy said. “We’re not jerks like Mingo.”

 “Obviously not,” Law said. “But he’s willing and I think that barrier has potential.”

 Luffy sighed. It still felt kind of Mingo-ish to him. Because Bartolomeo was clearly a fan of his the way Bellamy had been a fan of Mingo’s and Luffy didn’t want to use people liking him the way Mingo had.

 “Luffy-ya?”

 Law didn’t sound so argumentative all of the sudden. He actually sounded a bit worried.

 “You know you could _never_ be anything like Doflamingo, right?” Law asked, cupping Luffy’s cheek. “It doesn’t matter that you’re selfish or that people want to follow you. Your heart’s too big to ever be like him.”

 “Promise, surgeon?” Luffy asked.

 “Well, I could show you…” Law said, lightly tracing his fingers along Luffy’s chest before blanching. “But Creepy Fanboy looks _way_ too into it so we’re not doing that.”

 “Sorry! I’ll let you have your moment!” Bartolomeo yelled, running off.

 “It’s dead already you damn weirdo!” Law bellowed after him. “Urgh, _you_ are on fanboy management, _captain_ , because I will _kill_ that idiot if you leave me in charge of him for even an hour.”

 “Got it, Traffy,” Luffy said. “…Sorry for calling you cruel.”

 “I am cruel, Luffy-ya,” Law said.

 “But it bothered you when _I_ said it,” Luffy said, folding his arms. “I know you can be an asshole. You’re you, so yeah, I kind of noticed. So why worry?”

 Law chuckled through a slight grimace, “Still, not the thing a guy wants to hear from his boyfriend.”

 “Hey, if I can handle you telling me I’m selfish…” Luffy said.

 “Point taken, Luffy-ya,” Law said.

 “Shishishi, got that right,” Luffy said. “I want _you_ , and I _get_ what I want!”

 Law rolled his eyes, “And back to the whole _selfish_ thing, there…we still don’t know what to do with them.”

 “Well, maybe…maybe they could watch Punk Hazard for us?” Luffy asked. “That way Marco doesn’t need to leave anyone behind to do it when we’re fighting Kaido!”

 “So sort of treat them like the Happo Navy then?” Law asked. “Could work. We’ll have to run it by them, but yeah, could work. I still think if they want to go, they should, but we can give them a different option.”

 “Shishishi, see? I can have good ideas,” Luffy said. “But I don’t want to bring a rookie to Wano. Would be rude, you know?”

 “Oh, _now_ you care about being rude,” Law said.

 “Shut up…” Luffy muttered. “Come on, come on! Let’s get back to the party!”

 “Let me get another drink first,” Law sighed. “I’m not sober enough for more partying yet…”

.o.o.o.

 Koala groaned as she woke up. “When is it?”

 “…I see Dogstorm’s people about, so daytime,” Sabo yawned. “…How is your shirt on when that is clearly your bra on that branch over there?”

 “Probably put the shirt back on later. It’s cold, sleeping outside,” Koala said before groaning. “I took my shirt and bra off. Outside.”

  “Yeah, when it comes to liquor, Nami you are not,” Vivi said, walking over and passing them water. “It’s okay. Penguin’s whole jumpsuit ended up on a roof.”

 “Yeah, but he, like, wears…clothes, under it…right?” Koala asked. “Guys I’m pretty sure he wears clothes under it.”

 “The clothes were on a flagpole,” Vivi added.

 “…Boxers or briefs?” Koala asked.

 “Boxer-briefs, actually,” Vivi said. “Nami made money on it.”

 “Of _course_ she did,” Sabo sighed. “Oi, you. Bush.”

 “Yes?” the paint-logia Barto club member asked eagerly.

 “Where’s your captain got to anyway?” Sabo asked.

 “Law-sempai wished to test Captain Bartolomeo’s barrier and the captain happily agreed!” Bush said.

 “Great,” Sabo said. “Where?”

 Bush pointed and Sabo and Koala set off, after a red-faced Koala quickly got her bra back from the tree branch.

 “I’m surprised Law’s even awake,” Koala said. “…Unless it’s actually really late. Or his insomnia struck or something.”

 “Or he’s taking out his hangover on Barto,” Sabo said.

 Koala snickered, leaning into him, “That’s horrible and you’re probably right.”

 The Room was fairly easy to spot, glowing blue in the dim jungle light. Luffy’s loud laughter only made it easier to pinpoint the trio of captains.

 “…I don’t get it, what’s happening?” Sabo asked when they finally found them. Law was inside a room with Bartolomeo, who was inside what looked like a bubble. Law had Kikoku out and looked some weird combination of frustrated and intrigued. Luffy meanwhile, laughed on a rock a few yards away from the Room.

 “Traffy can’t cut him in the bubble!” Luffy laughed as Law dropped the room and waved Bartolomeo over with a small smirk.

 “It seems if he makes a barrier that totally encompasses a zone, I cannot affect anything within that zone even if the entire barrier and zone are within my Room,” Law said. “Mind you, I haven’t worked up to Haki yet but it’s been a fascinating experiment.”

 “It’s so cool seeing when Traffy can cut Barty and when he can’t!” Luffy said.

 “It certainly is,” Law said with a lazy smirk that made Sabo shudder. Creepy doctor.

 “If I can be of any more service in the coming fight against the Calamity I will be glad to do so!” Barolomeo cheered.

 “…The what now?” Luffy asked as Law’s eye twitched.

 “Bartolomeo,” the Surgeon of Death asked very, very dangerously. “Is there something you forgot to tell us?”

 Bartolomeo blinked, tapped his chin in thought, and then burst into tears, “Yes! I have forgotten to tell you all soething very important! I was so dazzled by your presnces that it utterly slipped my mind to tell you-”

 “Save it, I haven’t had enough caffeine yet for thinking,” Law said. “We’ll wake everyone up and tell them all at once. And tell Penguin to get me more coffee.”

 “I hope he got his stuff off the flagpole okay…” Luffy said.

.o.o.o.

  Duke Dogstorm was pretty good at arranging meetings on short notice. Ace and Luffy both thought it was because dogs were kind of pack animals. But he managed to get everyone seated around a big table in his palace in pretty darn short order.

 “What’s this about a Calamity?” Usopp asked worriedly. “What’s going on?”

 “Barto forgot to tell us something,” Sabo sighed.

 “What?” Momonosuke whined. “Like he just…forgot? How do you do that?”

 “You’ve been around Luffy for more than five minutes, right?” Nami asked the little prince. Ace scowled at her. She smiled back sweetly.

 “Maybe we should let Barty talk!” Luffy said.

 “Oh, right, right! All of my apologies, great Luffy-sempai!” Bartolomeo said. “The manner in which I have failed you by not relaying information sooner!”

 “Then relay it _now_ , you rooster-y weirdo!” Ace demanded.

 “Kaido sent out one of his Calamities, Jack the Drought, to force you under Kaido’s control!” Bartolomeo said after bursting into tears at Ace’s admonishment. “He and X Drake have been scouring the seas!”

 “Yeah because that wouldn’t make Dad want to break Kaido’s spine or anything…” Sabo muttered under his breath.

 “X Drake?” Law asked. “I knew he’d been brought under Kaido’s banner but to hunt us down with his men…implies a lot more loyalty than I’d bargained for, really.”

 “He’s been under Kaido for nearly two years now,” Ace said. “Lot can happen in that time. Might have found real comrades in the Beast Pirates he’s willing to work with.”

 “Maybe…” Law said.

 “Why? Do you know something about X Drake, Traffy?” Robin asked.

 “Not much. He stopped by the base in North Blue once or twice on errands from Tsuru, but he was a Marine for a long time after I ran away,” Law said. “He only became a North Blue pirate about a year before I entered Paradise. It was a big scandal, you couldn’t miss it, and we crossed paths once or twice as pirates but we mostly stayed out of each other’s’ way beyond warning if Marines were nearby. I really don’t know him very well.”

 “Hmm. Then we’ll have to assume he’s with Kaido willingly, if he’s considered loyal enough to hunt down others of the Worst Generation,” Jinbe said. “What’s his Devil Fruit power, Law?”

 “Turns into a big dinosaur…ah, Giganotosaurus, if I remember from the posters,” Law said. “He’s got pretty good control of it too, from what I remember from Sabaody…”

  “…Dinosaur?” Luffy asked.

 “Yeah, a Dinosaur,” Law said. “So he’ll get pretty big. And that’s not counting if he’s got an Awakened Devil Fruit, then he could get even bigger…I mean probably not bigger than Pica’s golems and we handled those, so…”

 “A _dinosaur_?” Luffy repeated eagerly.

 “Why are you so hung up on that?” Koala asked as Law went pale with realization.

 Law shook his head, “No. Absolutely not.”

 Sabo groaned and buried his face in his hands. Ace seemed a little confused, still.

 “Shishishi, of course!” Luffy said. “It’s a two birds one rock deal, right? We don’t have to fight the dinosaur if we get him on the crew!”

 “… _WHAT?”_ everyone else yelled loudly.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god this thing was supposed to be short. Like, 3-4k. That didn't work. So yeah, Barty's a shipper, Law and Luffy disagree on how to handle the Barto club which will be expanded on more next time, and we have fun with the Minks!
> 
> Next time: Dibs on the Dinosaur!


End file.
